SexDrive

Welcome to SexDrive! Whatever your sexual preference or gender is, please remember everyone in the free world has a right to be what they want to be without fear or recrimination. Be kind to everyone especially if they hold a different viewpoint. What makes this world so interesting is diversity. SexDrive covers many aspects - click on a heading below and see a summary, and if you're interested you can go and read more about it!

Here are some initial thoughts about sex. GO!

Here are some facts and stats  about sex. GO!

One aspect of sex is that it can lead to a lasting relationship. This section explores what good relationships look like.  GO!

However well a relationship starts, it’s possible that at some point it will go wrong. See how and why. GO!

There is a difference between the act of sex and making love – one is purely physical while the other has more emotional attachment. Explore this further. GO!

Sometimes a bit of fantasy can spice up sex (50 Shades of Grey!), but it’s easy for this to go too far.  See some interesting facts and alarming detail about pornography and other sexual adventure.  GO!

More people are now looking to find their partner through dating sites than via face to face meetings – does this work, and what should you be careful of?  GO!

There seems to be an ever increasing number of genders- what used to be fairly simple has changed completely.  Who is driving this change, and how can you keep abreast of it?  GO!

Sex and sexuality can cause some real problems, for mental and physical health, such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and just growing older problems – see more on this  GO!

As the newness of your relationship wears off and the excitement starts to fade, the relationship can feel like it’s growing stale. You aren’t forced to remain in a dull and boring relationship, however. There are some steps you can take to keep a mature relationship fresh and exciting.   GO!

If you’re a visitor to our site you can join and download information, assess your own health and create your own action plans, and even contribute to our site.  GO!

We have a video and some ideas on next steps you can take. GO!

See what you can do next. GO!

We have some additional information and stuff on this subject. GO!

Some Initial Thoughts About Sex

The act of sex

Humans have a natural instinct to have sex and there are many reasons for this. The body craves for the chemicals and emotions that sex and intimacy bring. The feeling before, during and after everyone needs and wants but increasingly it is coming under pressure from lifestyle. Sex is also very good for our health.

A good sex life is good for your heart. Besides being a great way to raise your heart rate, sex helps keep your oestrogen and testosterone levels in balance. “When either one of those is low you begin to get lots of problems, like osteoporosis and even heart disease,” MayoClinic says. Having sex more often may help.

Is your lifestyle affecting your love life?

If you are suffering with lifestyle issues and it is impacting on your love life then SexDrive is a good read for you. We use the term love life because it’s not just about the physical elements of sex but also the emotional elements of loving. When stress, anxiety or depression starts it can affect how we behave lovingly to others in our family and partners regardless of gender.

Some of the statistics will surprise you and some of the issues people are suffering you may well be suffering from. You may consider you don’t have a problem in which case you may want to learn something new about how to improve your sex life.

SexDrive looks at some of the myths and statistics that may surprise and also looks at the gender explosion.

Facts About Sex

Tinder users
1 %

between 18 and 25% are in a committed relationship while using the dating app

of men cheat
1 %

It turns out that in general men cheat on their partner a little more often than women. Research shows that about 33% of the men have cheated, and 28% of the women have.

minutes
1

is the average total length of sex (foreplay + intercourse)

Brits
1 %

About a quarter of Brits have had sex in the last week (YouGov poll)

First intercourse for men
30%

aged 16-19 first had sexual intercourse before the age of 16

First intercourse for women
26%

aged 16-19 first had sexual intercourse before the age of 16

Masturbation - men
66%

 of men reported having masturbated in the previous four weeks. Rates decline with age, particularly for men, and are higher in those with no current partner. [Natsal]

Masturbation - women
33%

of women reported having masturbated in the previous four weeks. Rates decline with age, particularly for men, and are higher in those with no current partner. [Natsal]

holding hands showing good relationships

Good relationships

Firstly, sex and good relationships don’t always go hand in hand. Some people have great relationships but are not overly sexual. Each person has a different sex drive to the next and when we first embark on a relationship this can be misleading. The first 12 months to 2 years might be classified as the honeymoon period and then after that it settles down. This is often when problems start to occur because the normal sex drive patterns then start to work. Work life, lifestyle and health are also added into the mix to sometimes cloud the issue.

Various aspects of this are covered in the tabs below

When Relationships Go Wrong

It's difficult to admit that a relationship that started out wonderfully has turned into something bad. When we enter a relationship, we’re often desperately in love and wearing rose-colored glasses, only seeing our partner’s good points and ignoring their faults. That’s why often our family and friends are better at predicting how things will go than we are.

If you're :
- feeling you don't have enough personal freedom
- noting that most of your interactions are negative ( John Gottman, the renowned couples researcher, is famously able to predict divorce with 90 percent accuracy by watching partners communicate with each other - couples should have at least 80 percent positive interactions)
- you wish you were home alone rather than with your partner
Then it might be time to end the relationship.
It's worth looking at each of these aspects in a bit more detail.

Is There a Difference Between Sex and Love-Making?

When it comes to having sex, the intimacy has to do with merging your physical needs and body parts with the other partner whereas love making is more about connecting your minds and souls through the act of sexual intercourse.

Isadora Alman from Psychology Today said, one may decide to engage in this act for different purposes, for example, lust, intimacy, boredom, relief, to exert power, to fulfill expectations, baby making, to express love, take comfort, etc. She further goes on to explain that at its best, this act is considered to be one of sharing and intimacy because there is not a more intimate act than letting another one inside a private body part with the goal to share pleasure.

Love and Vulnerability

When two individuals make love, their vulnerability levels are pretty high. This is often a result of sharing emotions and words that they may not have done before. Both persons tend to let their guard down and risk and reward comes into play. During love making, one experiences unique closeness with their partner and finds it difficult to imagine other moments happening without them.

On the other hand, when you are having sex with someone, although the vulnerability still plays a role, it is of a different kind. Namely, one may be afraid of the sexual intercourse not being good or losing the needed chemistry. Also, one may question if his/her sexual needs will be received well or not.

When love is not in the picture but merely getting sexual pleasure, saying goodbye is never a problem and one may be able to move on without necessarily looking for commitment from the other person. However, this is not always the case when you are making love with a person with whom you have found a connection.

Fantasy and Reality

Difference between sexual fantasy and reality

Well for many fantasies are just that and are kept to the individual or partner. Those can sometimes be extreme in nature but that’s where it stops and it never gets to reality. Some partners want to go further and put the fantasy into reality.

Well in this case it requires thinking through especially if it involves third parties or doing things whereby you can get caught. There is nothing wrong with turning a legal fantasy into reality provided everyone is truly consenting and not coerced into it.

Pornography is now almost universally available - on phones, computers and tablets. It's no longer a case of 'top shelf' magazines! Can watching porn spice up a sexual relationship, or is it a sad addiction? Who watches porn anyway? How real is it? Is there a balance between a bit of spice and a compulsion?

Multi-partner, Group, threesomes, orgies, are not for everyone and need to be planned otherwise things could backfire. There are people who enjoy these types of sexual gratification but if a partner is reluctant then they should never be coerced or forced. Sex and sex acts do magical things to our bodies naturally but the brain has to remain in control and make sure the act doesn’t turn into an addiction.

Why not take the sex addiction test in the tabs below and see how you get on?

Do Dating Sites Work?

Browsing profiles isn’t nearly as time-consuming (or daunting) as mixing with people in a social context. Statistics suggest that about 1 in 5 relationships begin online nowadays. It’s estimated that by 2040, 70% of us will have met our significant other online. However, how do people find these sites?

Most men aren’t bothered whether the women are damaged by previous relationships they just want sex.

Most women are fed up of dick pics and men stood in their shorts holding a fish

People lie on their online dating profiles - 44% did admit to lying in their online profile. In both the US and UK samples, dishonesty declined with age.:Some of the sites shroud the person so you cannot view them. How does that work? Also, many accounts are very old.The site owners rarely want to tell you where there is a lack of candidates and use old or frozen profiles of attractive people to contact you.

Gender Explosion

From the 1960s gender differences have begun to emerge but who is driving this change? This is not clear but in the last 2 to 3 years large media corporations seem to be championing the cause. The Royal College of General Practitioners recognises six genders in a recent position statement. These are male, female, gender-neutral, non-binary, gender-fluid and gender-queer. But the BBC are stating in many of their programme that there are 100 to 132.

Although the terms sex and gender are often used interchangeably, they, in fact, have distinct meanings. Sex is a classification based on biological differences—for example, differences between males and females rooted in their anatomy or physiology. By contrast, gender is a classification based on the social construction (and maintenance) of cultural distinctions between males and females. Gender refers to “a social construct regarding culture-bound conventions, roles, and behaviours for, as well as relations between and among, women and men, boys and girls” Krieger.

Sexual Issues and Mental Health

In 2018, over 2.63 million individuals went to a sexual health clinic in England..

A third (32%) of UK adults said they had experienced a sexual problem such as loss of desire or problems keeping or maintaining an erection. Women were more likely to say they had experienced a sexual problem than men (37% compared to 26%). RELATE:

1 in 5 (19%) say low libido or differing sex drives is placing a strain on their relationship.

47% of relationship counsellors and sex therapists have seen a rise in relationship problems linked to pornography in the last year.

Keeping Your Relationship Strong

How can you keep your relationship strong?

Relationships are all about human connection done through love and understanding. But without proper relationship rules, it can turn out to be rather difficult to keep that connection strong…

We believe the first rule to keep a relationship strong is to treat your loved one with respect. You have to respect their time, heart, character and, of course, their trust; you should also expect to receive the same amount of respect back..

Another key rule is communication - this is the key to happiness and a peaceful life. The problem is that not everyone knows how to express how they feel - at least many people don't find it easy. It's important to express the positive stuff - talk about love, express admiration and offer compliments. It's also important to talk about the negative stuff - avoiding discussing arguments won't make the problems go away. See CommunicationDrive for some ideas.

NEVER compare your life to others. It's too easy with social media to get hooked on watching others' perfect lives - you aren't seeing anything underneath the veneer! Focus on keeping your relationship strong and don't worry about anyone else.

Make an effort! If you want your relationship to stay strong it's worth working at.

Do things that make you bond together. Spend time interacting, not just watching TV together. This includes making love! Having great (or even nice) sex is a great habit to get into!

For visitors

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Sex and Sexuality

Crash Course talk about sex and sexuality in a Sociology framework

“Sex is an emotion in motion.”
Mae West
American stage and film actress, playwright, screenwriter, singer, and sex symbol

Next Steps

It doesn’t matter what stage  you’re at – it’s important to be the best you can be.  At the end of the day it’s about taking personal responsibility – You Drive!

It’s really your choice. You can find out more information about the subject, or see other institutions that can help by going to Support. There you will find organisations, training, coaching, self-help courses and other items to support your personal change. We have also started developing a panel of experts to provide info, advice, help and support. 

Get Support

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You can see these by clicking the Support button here.  Some products or services contain affiliate links and we may receive a commission for purchases made through these links

Experts

We are compiling a list of experts who can provide advice, help or specialised services.  You will be able to access these experts from anywhere on our site you see our ‘Experts’ symbol.  Click the green E to see what our Experts list will look like, with a couple of imaginary ‘experts’ added!

More Information

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More information

How Sex Works: Why We Look, Smell, Taste, Feel, and Act the Way We Do

An engaging view of the history and evolution of sex.  “Read this book and discover sex again, but from a scientific perspective, and see why it evolved. It’s almost as much fun, and needs less energy.”

Go to Amazon

How to Have a Good Marriage

A Practical Manual and Communication Techniques for Happy Relationships and Successful Marriages

IF YOU WANT TO SAVE A RELATIONSHIP, THEN KEEP READING…
Misunderstandings, quarrels, screams, divorce…?
It is not too late, this book can help you!


Go to Amazon

When I Do Relationships So Right How Do They Go So Wrong: 

Using Emotional Maturity to Transform Your Mind, Your Relationships, and the Generations to Come

Are you ready to turn your rocky relationships into rewarding ones? If you want to turn your life and your relationships around, don’t wait any longer. Take the first step and read this book today.

Go to Amazon

Creating A Fulfilling Relationship

Ways To Deeper Connection, Intimacy, & Trust For All Couples: How To Create A Healthy And Happy Relationship With Your Partner

Love is amazing. It’s not only what makes the world go round, but it’s probably the most beautiful part of what makes us human.


Go to Amazon

Understanding and Treating Sex and Pornography Addiction

A comprehensive guide for people who struggle with sex addiction and those who want to help them

Support and advice for both the clinician and for those who suffer from sex addiction

Go to Amazon

Grown Woman’s Guide to Online Dating

Lessons Learned While Swiping Right, Snapping Selfies, and Analyzing Emojis

Bestselling writer and funny lady Margot Starbuck found herself venturing into the unknown waters of online dating – see what she found.


Go to Amazon

Person-Centred Counselling for Trans and Gender Diverse People: A Practical Guide

Trans clients are frequently doubted, misunderstood, infantilised and judged by professionals, and this book presents an approach that ensures psychological wellbeing and trust is built between counsellor and client

Go to Amazon

The Sex Drive Solution for Women Keeping Your Relationship Strong

Dr. Jen doesn’t only talk about weight management, renewed energy and sexual vitality for women over 40 – she is a living, breathing example that all of that and more are possible

Go to Amazon

The Men’s Health Big Book of Sex

Your Authoritative, Red-Hot Guide to the Sex of Your Dreams

The editors of Men’s Health magazine bring you scientifically proven expert tips, intensely researched studies, and doctor-approved advice.


Go to Amazon

Kama Sutra Sex

 KAMA SUTRA UNDERGROUND SEX GUIDE TO MAKING YOUR LOVER ADDICTED TO YOU!

Sex,Sex Positions,Sex Guide,Kama Sutra,Tantric Sex,Sex Books Book 1


Go to Amazon

Healthline have tips on couples having better sex

The Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity

YoungMinds have a good article on gender and mental health

The Mayo Clinic have information on premature ejaculation 

NHS info on premature ejaculation

NHS info on women’s orgasm issues

MBC Psychiatry have an article on gender differences

Entrepreneur offer 14 ways to improve your skills

Healthline have info on sex addiction

Verywellminds have an article on the symptoms of sex addiction

If you’re concerned you may have a sexually transmitted disease, see symptoms (Mayo Clinic)

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Stuff you might want regarding sex

Now you’ve read about sex, you might want to make a bit of a statement.  Have a look at some stuff below we think has some humour value!  We may make pennies on commission, but that’s not the point really.  Click on the image to see more details.

Sex Bucket List for Couples

100 Hot, Erotic & Naughty Challenges – Mind-Blowing Sex Positions and Kinky Games for Him and Her

This Sex Bucket List will take your sex life to a new level of fun and pleasure. With 100 different Mind-Blowing Sex Challenges you and your partner will explore deepest kinks and fantasies you never dreamed about.

Go to Amazon

Wireless Sports Massager by Oliver James

8 Powerful Speeds and 20 Vibration Patterns – Handheld Electric Personal Massager – Waterproof – Travel Bag Included (Peach)

Powerful Massager – The electric massager will bring you a strong vibration which concentrates power to your neck, back, lower back, shoulder, feet and legs. If you require a more gentle approach is perfect for this too to help you relax.

Go to Amazon

Durex Tingling Lube Intimate Gel

Sensations Water Based Lubricant, 100 ml

BRINGS TINGLING AND ZINGY SENSATIONS – Add to the electricity between you and your partner with this silky lube brings cooling, warming and tingling sensations to your whole body; fragrance and menthol free

Go to Amazon

I Have Sexdaily Dyslexia Large Cotton Tote Shopping Bag

Funny Xmas Gift Sex Joke, Black

Available in many colours

  • Premium 5oz Long Handled Cotton Shopper
  • Eco Friendly Raw
  • Natural Finish
  • Size 38cm x 42cm
  • Capacity 15 Litres
  • Printed On One Side

Go to Amazon

Funny Mug Sex Drugs & Sausage Rolls Greggs Gift

(White, Sex Drugs & Sausage Rolls)

Go to Amazon

Personalised Wank Cloth Willy Wipe

Embroidered Flannel Gift for Men Funny Gift Cum Cloth Valentine Gift Birthday Present Sex Towel

This embroidered flannel can be personalised with a name, a unique message or a memorable date to make it the perfect gift for you or someone special, for any occasion.

Go to Amazon

The Men’s Health Big Book of Sex

Your Authoritative, Red-Hot Guide to the Sex of Your Dreams

The editors of Men’s Health magazine bring you scientifically proven expert tips, intensely researched studies, and doctor-approved advice.


Go to Amazon

The Sex Drive Solution for Women Keeping Your Relationship Strong

Dr. Jen doesn’t only talk about weight management, renewed energy and sexual vitality for women over 40 – she is a living, breathing example that all of that and more are possible

Go to Amazon

Person-Centred Counselling for Trans and Gender Diverse People: A Practical Guide

Trans clients are frequently doubted, misunderstood, infantilised and judged by professionals, and this book presents an approach that ensures psychological wellbeing and trust is built between counsellor and client

Go to Amazon

Grown Woman’s Guide to Online Dating

Lessons Learned While Swiping Right, Snapping Selfies, and Analyzing Emojis

Bestselling writer and funny lady Margot Starbuck found herself venturing into the unknown waters of online dating – see what she found.


Go to Amazon

Understanding and Treating Sex and Pornography Addiction

A comprehensive guide for people who struggle with sex addiction and those who want to help them

Support and advice for both the clinician and for those who suffer from sex addiction

Go to Amazon

Creating A Fulfilling Relationship

Ways To Deeper Connection, Intimacy, & Trust For All Couples: How To Create A Healthy And Happy Relationship With Your Partner

Love is amazing. It’s not only what makes the world go round, but it’s probably the most beautiful part of what makes us human.


Go to Amazon

When I Do Relationships So Right How Do They Go So Wrong: 

Using Emotional Maturity to Transform Your Mind, Your Relationships, and the Generations to Come

Are you ready to turn your rocky relationships into rewarding ones? If you want to turn your life and your relationships around, don’t wait any longer. Take the first step and read this book today.

Go to Amazon

How to Have a Good Marriage

A Practical Manual and Communication Techniques for Happy Relationships and Successful Marriages

IF YOU WANT TO SAVE A RELATIONSHIP, THEN KEEP READING…
Misunderstandings, quarrels, screams, divorce…?
It is not too late, this book can help you!


Go to Amazon

How Sex Works: Why We Look, Smell, Taste, Feel, and Act the Way We Do

An engaging view of the history and evolution of sex.  “Read this book and discover sex again, but from a scientific perspective, and see why it evolved. It’s almost as much fun, and needs less energy.”

Go to Amazon

Communication Style: A Beginner’s Guide on Effective Communication in Life and Work

Whatever your goal is, Communication Style is the right book to help you get there. This book has all the aspects you need to better your communication skills, and as a result, bring more success into each aspect of your life.

Go to Amazon

A Butterfly Life: 4 Keys to More Happiness, Better Health and Letting Your True Self Shine

Times of change can be a challenge, no doubt! Whether it’s a relationship breakup, job loss, or being diagnosed with a serious health issue. Or you may WANT things to be different, but it feels a little scary or overwhelming. The butterfly reminds us change can be beautiful, even necessary, in order to realize our full potential and live our best life.